As I sit down at my desk this afternoon, I just have to say that this year has been a wild ride.
I know that I say that a lot, maybe too often. But how can I not? How can I say anything else?
2020 has been a lot of things for a lot of people, especially, and including me. And now, I can say that it has been inspiring… and not in the way that I’d originally planned.
Yesterday when I got up, I spent 30 long minutes on the phone with an editor from Chicago, speaking to him about my writing. He asked me some questions, and he had a lot to say but, when it came time for me to speak… I felt like I didn’t have a voice. I felt marginalized, and at times spoken over, and made to be less than I was.
Now, I’m not trying to bash him or say that he was trying to discourage me from writing or make me feel any of those things. Because honestly, I feel so grateful and lucky that someone like him would take the time to email me about my writing or speak to me at all. Maybe it’s just because I’m defensive of my writing that I feel the way I do, and only time will tell what comes next. However, I also feel like he was trying to help me but, I don’t think he knew in what way he was helping me.
Because now I know that, not everyone is going to like my writing. Not everyone is going to understand how I can work on more than one project at the same time- such as my poetry and the novel that I’ve been working towards writing, and that’s okay. My writing style isn’t like everyone else’s, I don’t want it to be like anyone else’s. I write because this is how I express myself, this is how I make peace with the world around me, and if that means I carry a notebook with me everywhere I go, and scribble down what I can when, where, and if I can then so be it.
I’m still an author, even if I’m not traditionally published. I’m still an author, even if I choose to self-publish. I am still an author, even if I never publish at all and simply share my works freely on Facebook, or WordPress, or Wattpad, or wherever.
My worth, and the worth of my writing is not measured by anything other than the way I feel about it, and the way that it makes me feel. If people enjoy my writing, then that is something for me to feel good about. If they don’t, then I understand because, I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Don’t want to be everyone’s cup of tea, I want to be your three fingers of whiskey at 2a.m when your heart hearts and you cannot sleep. I want to make you feel things, and I want to tell you stories.
So, if you’re out there reading this, thank you.
I’m never going to stop writing and being true to myself, and who I know myself to be.
Stay safe & stay healthy.
-Sky
Leave a comment