Honestly, I think that maybe the title says it all.
Holy shit, 2020 is almost over. This year has been full of so many things both good and bad. The worst thing, worse than Covid-19 and Coronavirus, at least for me has had to be my mom dying, and my Grandma getting diagnosed with cancer. The best has got to be Angel getting trapped here in the states with me for almost 6-months despite reaching out more times than I can count to her country’s government for help. My very first rat, Zero died, and for that reason I almost decided to give up all of my rats because it shook me to my core.
But I’ve spent so much time this past year being sad and hurt and only focusing on all of the bad things that have happened that I didn’t stop to actually open my eyes and see all of the good things that have also happened. I’ve taken those good things for granted, and I never really stopped to see them for what they were worth. For that, I’m sorry.
Because, despite the pain and heartache of losing my mom, I’ve gained a lot this year. I’ve grown a lot closer with my Grandma, my little brother, my older brother, and his girlfriend also. I’ve also started cooking a lot more, and not just for me, and I’m getting really good at it, if I do say so myself. I think I have Angel to thank for that because, it was wonderful having someone else to cook with. I still like cooking even now, even if I am doing it alone. Because now, almost every meal we eat in this house is made by me, unless we’re getting takeout or doing something like frozen pizza.
Angel was trapped here for 6-months. Nobody thought that Covid-19 was going to shut the whole world down and turn 2-weeks into 6-months but, despite all of that, we made the best of it between phone calls and trying to get someone to help her go back home. Together, the two of us embarked on a journey that included shopping for Instacart, a short stint of working at a gun range- which just was not for me, grocery shopping during a pandemic, and a lot of cooking and baking. I could go on and on about all of the wonderful meals that the two of us cooked together. We also got to spend St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, and the 4th of July together. It was a lot of fun; we even went apple picking.
During this time, I’ve also fallen both in and out of love with my writing. There was this point in time where I couldn’t write a single word. It felt as though the spark of inspiration inside of me had been blown out. And if you’re a Studio Ghibli fan, you’ll know exactly what I mean when I tell you that I was Calcifer, a great and powerful fire demon, and Sofie lifted me, and my log up out of my hearth and placed me in a pot to sweep out all of the ashes. I was going to lose my balance; my flames were being snuffed out and there was nothing that I could possibly do about it. My master, my great muse had abandoned me, and I thought that my time as a writer had come to an end. This feeling became overwhelming once I’d talked to an editor, and all of my past and present feelings of inferiority had only doubled, tripled, and quadrupled in size. I didn’t want to participate in NaNoWriMo, even though I’d already committed myself to it so I pushed through it anyways, and in the last week or so, I can honestly say that I’m starting to find my rhythm again the more I push myself to keep going.
I know that at first, that might sound like a negative part of 2020 but, I can promise you that it isn’t. Because, I’m thankful for it. I feel like if I didn’t have my “faith” tested that I would’ve just kept taking my ability to sit down and write 20-30 poems at a time, or crank out 2-5,000 words in one sitting without even really thinking about it for granted. I won’t e doing that anymore because from now on, I want to crack down on myself, and become more serious about my writing. What does that mean for me exactly? Well, for one, it means lots of water, coffee, and tea. It also means that I’ll be devoting a lot of my time to my writing from now on. After all, this is the perfect time for it right? With Covid-19 ravaging the world and my job being put on a temporary hold due to that for the next short while, all I really have is time. Plus, it’s a good time for me to get my social media shit together. I plan to be making a lot more posts related to books and writing, especially on Instagram and my writing Facebook page.
I also met Zero and Boo this year, two baby rats slated for the feeder bin and certain death. My Zero wasn’t with me for exceptionally long, hardly a month but, in that time she taught me a lot about rats that I didn’t know. Like how smart, kind, loving, and sweet that they can be. Before that, I’d never wanted rats but, she changed my mind. More than that, really. Zero changed my life. Now, because of her, I have four beautiful, smart, and playful baby girls. Their names are Boo, Pumpkin, Mocha (Bean), and now Chai. I find it funny that in some way or another that their names have something to do with drinks!
How did you fare in 2020?
Stay Safe & Healthy
-Sky
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