Yesterday was my 26th birthday. The first birthday that I have ever had that did not include my mother. Those words alone are enough to send me into a downward spiral of selective mutism. I don’t want to talk about it, hear about it, or feel it. The words alone make me feel like I’m going to have a meltdown, even if I’m not speaking them out loud.
The day itself was bearable. Angel wished me a happy birthday at midnight and stayed up with me til sunrise because, she knew that was what I needed though, I would’ve much rather had her with me. I got a balloon, a card with a puppy on it, a necklace from my Grandma, and from my little brother I got the brand-new Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury with a memory expander for our Switch. The second the game was downloaded my little brother, Pip, and I were glued to the game. We got through 2 worlds with all our boards having 3 stars each. It took some yelling, some frustration, and a couple redos but its okay, we did it.
I made steaks for dinner, with mushrooms, and baked potatoes, and there was corn. It was too much food for the three of us. I wish it would’ve been the four of us- mom and I working in the kitchen together, laughing, and happy. Have you ever just missed the sound of someone’s voice so badly that it hurts?
I don’t want to sound rude or ungrateful. I’m not spoiled. I just know in my heart that something is missing, and it has been for almost a year. I used to look forward to birthdays but, now they just don’t feel the same. I wonder if anything ever will again.
-Sky
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