It’s Also Okay to Rest.

        It’s been a little while since I last posted here.

        A lot has happened, and I have a lot to unpack, I’m just not sure where to start. I’ve sat down to write another post for all of you at least twenty-times in the past 2, almost three weeks but, I just haven’t been able to find the words to say what was on my mind after posting “Yellow.” That song, and the post that inspired it, were both extremely personal to me. They still are, and I think that the post itself really showcases that.

        To me, “Yellow” was written as a way to decompress, and express some feelings that I’ve been having lately, and I think enough time between writing it and now to try to unpack a couple of things. First, everything in italics is from the song “Yellow” and those lyrics do belong to Coldplay. I do not claim them as my own.

        I listen to this song on repeat almost constantly, especially when I’m in a bad mood or hurting. I can relate to it in very uncomfortable ways. Specifically in the line, “For you, I’d bleed myself dry.”  This song, and the post itself was made for me to come to grips with how I’m feeling about my best friend. You’ve seen me mention, and write about her before. I miss her. I miss her a lot, and I’m having trouble seeing memories of us together, this time last year popping up on Facebook or Snapchat, or wherever, honestly.

        Add that to the absolute bullshit going on with my leg, and I feel like I’m going to go insane. It’s been almost a year exactly since I sustained the injury to my leg and foot that have plagued every day of my existence since. Now, I’m just waiting to hear back from doctors and insurance companies to find out what my next step looks like. Want to know what it looks like to me? Scars, and needle marks up and down my arms from all of the nerve blocks, and the DRG trial. One of the worst bruises is still on my arm now, even though I had the DRG trial put into my back 21-days ago.

        But, according to my last GP, my labs came back fine. Here’s a little piece of advice for you. If your bruises stick around for 21-days, and hardly fade, I don’t think you’re fine. I think something is wrong but, maybe that’s just me? I guess it doesn’t matter though because, on August 6^th, I’m going to go see a new doctor for the first time. One that I know I can trust to take care of me because, he came well-recommended by my friend Autumn.

        As for today? I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I have a migraine. But you know what? I feel fucking accomplished. My Grandma and I dropped Bear off at the groomer’s at 3. Then, we went to the grocery store, did our grocery shopping, got our dog back, yelled at BJ (who wouldn’t have gotten yelled at if he’d just done his damn chores), and now we’re home. However, when trying to get up off the floor… I fucked up. I don’t know what I did wrong exactly. But something in my bad foot popped, now my little toe is purple, and the foot itself is swollen and hurts like a motherfucker. (Pardon the language. Chronic pain has me using fuck like a comma most days.)

        The dog looks fantastic.

        The stew meat that was supposed to turn into beef with noodles and gravy is sitting in the fridge. It’ll be put into the crockpot tomorrow while we’re gone, and we’ll eat it then. My foot is too fucked up right now, so you know what? Grilled cheese sandwiches, or flavor blasted cheddar Goldfish for dinner. All I know, is that it needs to knock off it’s shit because tomorrow (Thursday) we’re supposed to be driving up to this place in West Allis called Aphonso’s. They’re the “world’s largest mozzarella sticks” and they call them Lightning Rods. (Pictures to come, I promise!)

        In no way do I want to let my leg acting up ruin this trip for us. We’ve been talking about it all week since I first saw the Lightning Rods on TikTok. Do I need an 11.5 inch long mozzarella stick? Or one that weighs over 16oz? Maybe not. But that’s not the negativity I need or want in my life.

        As for now? I’m sitting at my desk with an ice pack on my ankle, hoping the swelling goes down, and my toe stops being purple. I also have a grilled cheese sandwich, which has become my go-to “comfort food” lately. Why? I don’t know. But, I feel like everyone goes through having a safe food or a comfort food, especially when there’s a lot going on in their life. Pair that with listening to one of my favorite true-crime Youtuber’s and I guess we’re calling this self-care. Who knows, I might even get some writing done.

        -Sky