Haunted.

         I don’t feel like a person today.

         I don’t know what it is about today, August 28^th, 2021, that has me so torn up inside. Maybe it’s the stitches that came out yesterday, at least for the most part. Or the recalibration of the DRG and removal of my stitches which was honestly, worse than I expected. Maybe it’s the fact that my hours got cut at work, with no explanation. (Something I still must talk to my boss about.) Or maybe, it’s the fact that it’s coming up on the year mark of when Angel left.

         I don’t know. I wish I did because, then I’d be able to fix it.

         But I don’t know, so unfortunately, I can’t.

         What I can do, and what I can tell you, however, is that I’m sitting here at work, singing along to the music, and while I may not feel the best… I have some really good people in here. They’re kind, and they’re winning. Something funny about my job that I don’t talk about often, is that it doesn’t really matter to me whether I’m making good tips. What matters is the people. If I have good natured people in here, then my day is better. If I have good natured people, my mood is better. Everything in here is better. Even if I’m not a person today.

         I’m still on the hunt for the Squishmallows at Walgreens.

         I’ve been to several, several times, as far away as Oak Park at my appointment yesterday but, no one there has them. But I’m hoping that’s just because school supplies are still a hot commodity. If I’m lucky though, which I’m often not, I’ll be able to find a Zero and an Oogie Boogie. As much as I love Jack and Sally, those aren’t the two that I want. There aren’t many Zero things out there, sometimes I feel like there’s even less Boogie. So, those are the two I want because, those are the two I fell in love with.

         As for 100-days of words? We’re on day 12, and I’m doing good. I’ve put at least 15-minutes towards my writing every day, and that was the goal. It kind of makes me want to draw up a silly tracker of some kind, to log my progress. Even though, lately, the past couple days, I’ve had to force it because my mental health has been a joke but, I’m trying to push through. That’s the point though, isn’t it? To give my bare minimum every day to help me reach my goals.

         I’m also considering dying my hair again.

         Due to the state of my mental health, today, self-care is coming in the form of books, DripDrops, and a smiley face sugar cookie. Is it perfect? No. Does it have to be? Also no. Sometimes, things don’t have to be perfect for them to work, or for them to be good. Sometimes, I think we just need to try our best with what we have and let that be enough.  

         As much as I enjoy the purple, I feel like I’m using it as a mask. It’s “bright” and “happy” and fun, and these past weeks I’ve been using it to lie to myself and everyone else. I hide behind my bright, happy color, to distract you from the real problems here. My health is a mess. My head is a mess. And I’m starting to see that slapping new siding on a haunted house doesn’t make it any less haunted.

         Until next time,

         Sky