One of Those Days.

          I guess it’s just one of those days- you know, the kind where everything is just too much.

          Being awake feels like too much and talking to people feel like too much. Standing, walking, existing. These are the chronic pain days that not many people talk about, where you legitimately want to die. (That sounds dramatic but, it isn’t.)

          I woke up late today, around 11am, which is strange for me with Angel around because normally she wakes me up. Instead, I woke up to Bear kicking me in the spleen, with an earthshattering migraine. Lucky me. The cherry on top might be the fact that my ankle is officially the size of a grapefruit, and your typical pain chart no longer applies.

          There is no 1-10 scale. There is only pain. A lot of pain.

          The kind of pain that makes people wish they were dead but, don’t you dare say that to a doctor because they will tell you that you’re suicidal. Then, they’ll probably try to lock you up in a padded room. Either that, or they’re going to call you overdramatic, and say that you’re exhibiting drug seeking behavior.

          But that’s the funny thing because, it couldn’t be further than the truth. The truth about chronic pain is simple. We don’t want drugs. We don’t want you to hold our hands and tell us that it’s going to be okay. If you are our doctor, we just want you to fucking fix it. However, if you ask my doctors right now, I am probably asking for way too much. I had an x-ray in May, and I just now saw my doctor last Tuesday after video visits in which he didn’t have the results in front of him. (Helpful, right?)

          Turns out, the wires that go to the DRG device that I hate, aren’t in the right place due to all of the falling and dizziness. Because, like I’ve said before, I’m dizzy and fall down a lot- all the time. To the point of me getting that berry-colored walker that I talked about before. Which is yet another thing that I kind of hate because, if I’m honest it means that I’m a lot sicker than I want to be. So, now I have to get this stupid, awful surgery redone and that’s not something that I want at all.

          Not the post I wanted to make today.

          But it’s the honest one.

          -Sky