(TW: Medical Trauma, Medical Gaslighting, Hospitals, ER Photos?)
What is it that they say about plans never going right?
Yesterday, I had planned to sit down at my desk and type up a cute little elevator pitch for my NaNoWriMo project since it’s almost that time of year again; instead, I found myself in the emergency room for 8-hours being turned into a pincushion. Some of you may have even seen my stupid TikTok about it, that I posted from my hospital bed to “Ring of Fire” by Johnny Cash because honestly? Sometimes, the stupid jokes and dark humor are the only way that I can cope with my life sometimes. Besides, you have to admit a quick fifteen second video of, “I fell down” when falling in the hallway is what sent me to the ER is kind of funny.
So, needless to say, the past couple of days have been kind of rough. On Saturday, I woke up feeling really dizzy with a migraine, and while I’d planned to stay in bed… that didn’t happen. Instead, I took my Grandma on her first real “outing” since brain surgery that wasn’t to a doctor’s office. We went to the Polish store in town and Jewel-Osco, which doesn’t seem like a whole lot for healthy people but… again, we aren’t really healthy people. She made dinner for us that night because, Angel has a cold, and I just wasn’t feeling well.
(And by made dinner, I mean she heated up the spaghetti I made the night before and threw a salad together.)
To add insult to injury, I wound up getting dizzy and falling upstairs in the hallway. I hit my head on the wall by the closet, and that really sucked. The top of my head is bruised. Grandma wanted to call an ambulance but, I said no. Because honestly, I have so much medical trauma at this point that, I will go to the ER maybe one out of the five times that I know I should.
Is it good? No. Is it smart? Hell no. But you know what it is? Honest.
Because every time I go to the hospital for something, it’s because I absolutely need to be there. I don’t go unless I have to. Because every time I do go to the hospital, I end up being medically gaslit about my symptoms, and made to feel like they’re all psychosomatic (in my head.) And I honestly don’t think that’s fair because… I don’t know anyone who will just show up at the ER on a perfectly good Sunday morning, and wrack up a ridiculous amount in medical bills for legitimately no reason. Especially not people who are like me, being part of the chronic illness and disabled communities because, quite honestly, we get treated like shit when it comes to hospitals and ERS.
We get looked at like we shouldn’t even be there because our symptoms, illnesses, and whatnot are ongoing, and therefore should be managed by a family doctor, or someone who specializes in that illness. We “shouldn’t” be going to the ER because we’re in an obscene amount of pain, or because we’re having constant migraines that are literally making us collapse on the ground. Like me, who fell in the upstairs hallway, and then again yesterday, on Sunday morning in the basement where I hit my head on the concrete coming back from the bathroom because the dizziness and lightheadedness were beyond overwhelming.
I didn’t let Grandma call the ambulance Saturday night but, yesterday, I caved. I let Angel drive me to NIMC (I know, it’s not called that anymore but, I was born there 27-years ago so, it will forever be NIMC in my mind.) I didn’t really feel like I had much of a choice, honestly. I’d fallen twice in two days, due to dizziness. The first time was kind of easy to ignore, I’d fallen on carpet, and I didn’t hit my head THAT hard but, the second time, my head bounced off the concrete floor… what choice did I really have? The answer being, not much of one.
So, off we went… where I got to sit in the waiting area in a wheelchair for over four hours before I got taken back to a room, or for any imaging. The only upside was an amazing nurse named Brittany who triaged me, made jokes with me, and honestly, made me feel a lot better. The world needs more Brittany’s; nurses who will smile, laugh, and joke with patients because, I do not care how old I am, going to the hospital will always be a terrifying experience. Their bedside manner was 1000% what I needed.
I finally made it back to a room around 4pm (close to 4-hours after getting to the hospital) and from there things progressed a bit quicker. Unfortunately, it took Brittany and the other nurse three tries to get my IV in, so I was trying to protect it with my life, yet after four hours of the IV being left alone… it blew. I knew it was going to, and it wasn’t Brittany’s fault, since I’d gotten passed along to someone else by that point but, it was still frustrating. Even more frustrating in fact because, I’d told the new nurse that before she put ANYTHING into that IV, that she would need to flush it and make sure it was still viable.
(No, I’m not a medical professional; I just know my body.)
They flushed the IV, and I knew that it was just done for. I’m one of those weird people who can taste the IV flushes, for me, they taste the way that Windex smells. So, when I didn’t taste it, and it hurt going in, I just knew. But that nurse didn’t want to listen to me, and pushed the anti-dizziness, nausea meds, and Benadryl anyways before hooking me up to a bag of fluids. So, I wasn’t really surprised when about 15-minutes later, I was having to call the nurse to come back and turn off the fluids because it hurt. And I mean it fucking HURT. I live with chronic pain, so naturally, I have a high pain tolerance but, when I tell you it felt like my arm was going to explode, I mean it.
The IV had infiltrated. Basically, what that means, is that the tube was no longer in its proper place, and it had pushed through the vein, and was now leaking into my forearm, which is why I was in so much pain. It also meant that my arm was essentially filling up with the IV fluids, instead of them going into my vein, which is why it was swelling up so much. I’ll leave a picture below; if you don’t want to see something like that, go ahead and just scroll past it. (I promise it’s not super graphic.) Mine was caught right away because I advocated for myself but, had I not, there could’ve been complications such as skin damage, scarring, blistering, sores, or ulcers. I also could’ve been at risk for a serious infection, nerve damage, vein ruptures, and more.
So, if you’re in this position, and you feel like there’s something wrong, SPEAK UP! I know, you’re probably thinking that medical workers have a lot on their plate already but, this is the only body you have. Only you know the way that certain things feel to you, and if they don’t want to listen, feel free to ask for a new nurse, supervisor, or a patient advocate. You deserve good and proper treatment at the ER or any doctor’s office because, they are there to take care of YOU.
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It was only when I started pushing the call light and complaining very loudly about it did the nurse actually look, and realize that I was right, and something was wrong. She then insisted that we try to start another IV to finish my fluids, which I normally wouldn’t have minded but, she was incredibly rough with me, so I really didn’t want that.
She wound up trying to place another IV on me. During the IV, her phone rang, and instead of waiting to pick it up until she wasn’t digging in my veins with a sharp object, she chose to pick it up, and talk on the phone as if it were nothing, while I was trying not to writhe in pain. Can I just say that bedside manner is so fucking important when you’re a nurse, especially when dealing with ER patients, and if that’s how you’re going to be then… honestly, you don’t deserve a job working with the general public.
That nurse did not and could not get an IV on me. After seeing all the places they’d tried before, she decided to take the needle out of my hand (thankfully) and then said she was going to go find ultrasound to place the IV due to how bad my veins are.
(I won’t name names, I just hope this nurse realizes that they made a mistake, and in the future does better.)
The world deserves more Brittany’s, and less of this kind of nurse.
Luckily, the P.A. came in and asked how I was doing after that, said that my CT looked okay, no fractures or breaks, and that once I finished my IV fluids, I could go home. Here’s where I was kind of a difficult patient though because, I asked if we could skip the rest of the fluids. I didn’t want that horrible nurse coming back with yet another needle- and if you could see the bruises on my hand today from where she was digging in my hand, believe me, you would side with me on this one. But he was okay with it, he went and found me the doctor, and she came to talk to me for a couple minutes.
Like her P.A. said, no broken bones, no fractures, or anything of that sort, thankfully.
I’m on concussion watch- yay me.
So, if there’s any changes, I’m supposed to go back, and she wants me to follow up with my GP and a neurologist. I wanted to tell her that I’ve been trying to see a neurologist, and that I need to see a neurologist but, they keep cancelling on me. The first time, they cancelled my appointment for the beginning of the months due to a “family emergency.” Then, they cancelled my rescheduled appointment due to “not being in the office” and it just makes me feel like I’m of no importance to this doctor but, we’ll see… maybe I’ll get to see this doctor for my third rescheduled appointment on November 8th. Who knows, I will say, though, that I already don’t like this doctor due to the constant cancellations when it is in my chart that it is imperative that I need an appointment, and soon.
Angel did, however, forget to wake me up every few hours but I’m not mad. I was up tossing and turning anyways. I don’t really blame her though, she’s trying to get over a cold, and I’m trying to get over… well… my whole medical file, honestly. It happens sometimes, you know?
TLDR; I fell twice in two days due to a migraine and severe dizziness, decided to go to the ER on Sunday after falling on concrete. I’m bruised but, the ER doc says I’m okay, and to just keep watch for concussion symptoms.
Until next time,
-Sky
Skyla N. Lambert
Author | Blogger | Bookworm | Professional Pincushion
E. skylanarissalambert@gmail.com
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