(TW: Loss, Medical, Stress)
If I had to pick one word for 2023 so far… it would definitely be traumatic.
Four days into the new year, I lost one of my little rat babies.
(I know most people don’t like rats, and don’t see them as pets but, please be kind.)
That same day, I had to scrape myself up off the floor, and go see the rheumatologist. Normally, I’m used to sitting there forever, getting kind of frustrated in the waiting room because I’d like to think that a 3:30pm appointment means something. But you know how specialists are. It doesn’t matter what time your appointment is, you get seen when you get seen. What did surprise me though was that I was told I need to go see a Cardiologist to be evaluated for POTS. (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome.)
Thankfully, it wasn’t one of those times where I was blindsided by a potential diagnosis because, this is something I’ve been talking about with my doctors for awhile now. A lot of my symptoms line up, especially how when I stand up my heartbeat jumps 10+ BPM out of nowhere, and I’ll get dizzy and need to sit down. It also explains a lot of my dizziness, falling, instability, and whatnot.
Because let’s face it, if I got blindsided by another diagnosis I’d cry. I don’t have more information yet but, Monday, after my appointment I’ll probably pop on here to work through my thoughts. Aside from that, I’m just now getting over an ear infection, and I’m finally off of the amoxicillin.
Is it just me, or do antibiotics make you feel like crap when you first start them, and then again when you go off them?
That being said, I’ve kind of been living off of apple sauce pouches, pretzels, and crackers. To make matters worse, at least for me, I’m trapped in a reading slump. It’s 2023, and I’ve pledged to read 123 books but, I already feel like I’m way behind. Logically, I know that I’m not, and that I can catch up really quickly because, I’m one of those annoying neurodivergent people who can speed-read through an entire novel in a day if it captures enough of my attention but, I’m also one of those incredibly burnt out neurodivergent people currently at war with imposter syndrome.
I don’t know which is worse. Reading slump, or burnout.
Especially when I felt like I was doing so well with my Addie/Unwritten project. I managed to get almost the whole book outlined in less than three days. The second I was done with that though, I lost all ability to read and write anything, and even this is turning out to be a chore. Really.
At the time that I’m writing this, it has taken me almost three hours to write less than 500-words. And it’s not because I don’t want to, or because I don’t have anything to say. Because I do, I have a lot to say, and that I want to say but, I also feel like I’m trying to translate my inner speak into English, and the only thing that wants to come out is screaming.
Factor in that I’ve been promising my family the past two days I’ll make burgers for dinner, and instead, I was feeling like garbage last night and running a low-grade fever most of the day (99.8) so I decided to just sleep instead. Tonight, I feel like I have to come through, I have to make them, I have to do it… but I really don’t want to.
I’ll write again soon.
-Sky
Skyla N. Lambert
Author | Blogger | Bookworm | Overworked | Overtired | & Burnt-Out
E. skylanarissalambert@gmail.com
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