🦴 Field Report: Operation Bloodsucker 🦴Filed by Luna, Cryptid-in-Training

Today, I went on a Very Official Adventure™.

My mama had something called a rheumatologist appointment (which I think is a fancy word for “sit in a tiny room and be poked by vampires”). She says it’s medical, but it felt a bit like an urban exploration mission. I mean, the waiting room was the size of a shoebox- a shoebox, I tell you- and it smelled like stress, sanitizer, and stale magazines.

I had to do a little sniffvestigation before I found the right spot to plop down, but once I did, I entered Stealth Mode. I stayed at my mama’s feet, checking in with her and the Green-Haired Mama™ every so often to make sure they hadn’t disappeared into another dimension. So far, so good.

Outside, we ran into one of the blood collectors- the vampire, the one my mamas said we’d be seeing. Apparently, they’d been talking about me behind my tail (rude), so I made sure to look extra majestic in my sunflower gear. He got permission to say hi, and I made a new best friend. I’m not saying I’d help him steal blood… but I’m also not not saying that.

We eventually went through a weird glassy door (suspiciously vet-like), which made me nervous for a second. But I remembered my training, took a breath, and followed my mama to the exam room. She said I did great. (I know. I always do.)

I supervised the needle stuff, monitored her vitals, and made sure the doc didn’t try any funny business. By the time the human with the stethoscope came in, I was already guarding the base of the chair like a sleepy gremlin.

Mission: secure.

Afterward? Costco.

First impression? Very many humans. Very busy- especially full of tiny humans, a few of them tried grabbing me but mama kept me safe, and said I did a very good job. (I know mom. You’re always telling me I’m the Best Girl™)

I got my very own hot dog (no weird toppings, thanks) and some salmon skin treats, which I will be testing tomorrow for quality assurance. Results pending.

Final cryptid ranking for today’s adventure:

• Vampire phlebotomist: 10/10, would let him steal blood again.
• Friendly PA: 9/10, loses one point for the suspicious vet coat.
• Exam room chairs: -2/10, not nap friendly.
• Hot dog: 13/10, divine reward for fieldwork.
• Me: 12/10, Best Girl confirmed.

End report. 🐾