It’s 90-something degrees here in Illinois- the kind of heat that presses down on you, heavy and relentless. I was just making my iced coffee, trying to gear up to work on this week’s post for The Crippled Cryptid, when it hit me. Out of nowhere, I was crying over the parallels between me at 30 and my mom at 30.
When she was 30, she had two kids.
Me at 30? I have 2 dogs- one, the amazing Luna, Service Dog extraordinaire, and Bear- the faithful fence guardian who loved my mom dearly.
On hot days, you could find her walking around in a tank top with her hair in pigtail braids, usually wearing Marvin the Martian boxers like shorts. I remember asking her once why she wore men’s boxers instead of shorts. She told me they were thinner, cooler, more comfortable. I was a kid then- I laughed because they were “undies” and let it go. But here I am, at that very same age, walking around the house in my Darth Vader boxers, my hair in milkmaid braids. The only real difference? Where she’d have a Mountain Dew in hand, I have my iced coffee today. (Not that there isn’t a place for Dew- there’s a case of Summer Freeze in the fridge right now, and I think she would’ve loved it.)
She passed away in 2020, and sometimes the grief still blindsides me like this. One second, I’m focused on chores, the next I’m sitting with memories, what-ifs, and everything in between.
Today, that grief feels like the heat: thick, stifling, impossible to ignore. So, I’m trying to go slow, to give myself the same grace I hope she would’ve given me. And in the middle of the overwhelm, I’m holding onto the little things that help me through days like this:
🌿 Iced coffee- Extra ice, because if nothing else, I can cool off for a moment. (And just a reminder: your AC isn’t meant to make your house 65 degrees when it’s 90 out. The most it can do is cool your space by 15 to 20 degrees. Anything more, and you’re just overworking it, racking up the electric bill, and straining the grid. Trust me, I wish my house was 65 right now- my POTS handles cold so much better than heat.)
🌿 Luna and Bear- Luna sticks to me like glue when she knows I’m struggling. Right now, she’s under the table, snoozing but close- the second I move my foot from her back, she wakes up and looks at me to check in. She is the best girl. Bear reminds me to rest, to breathe, to slow down.
🌿 The garden- The first tiny radishes. Tomato plants are starting to fruit. Zucchini that refuses to give up. My beans flowering, peas reaching for the stars. I thought for sure this heatwave would wipe them all out- but they’re not giving up. Life keeps going, even on the hardest days.
🌿 Letting go of perfect- This is the hardest one for me. The perfectionist in me wants everything just so. But this post isn’t what I planned for today. It’s real, though. And today, that’s enough.
If you’re having one of those days too, I see you. Be gentle with yourself. The world will still be here tomorrow.
-Sky, The Crippled Cryptid
and Luna 🐾
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