“When the world sleeps, my mind wakes up- and the Witching Hour becomes my loudest hour.”
Content Warning:
⚠ This post discusses insomnia, financial stress, depression, and chronic illness struggles. While it doesn’t go into graphic detail, it may be emotionally triggering for readers who are currently struggling with mental health or financial hardship. Please don’t read on if this one is too much for you.
Lately, sleep has been a stranger to me. Not the polite, “Oh, I’ll see you tomorrow” kind of stranger- more like the kind who vanishes without warning and leaves you wondering if they were ever real. My nights have been stretching long into the early morning hours. Sometimes I’m awake until 3 a.m., sometimes 6 a.m., staring into the dark with my mind doing its best to fill the silence.
I’ve been telling myself it was just leftover energy from the Moss Maiden’s birthday earlier this month, but the truth is, the overthinking hasn’t stopped. If anything, it’s gotten worse. Bills have been lurking in the back of my mind like little monsters with sharp teeth- especially now that ComEd has decided to launch its “skyrocket your bill” campaign here in Chicagoland. (Yes, us suburban folks get that joy, too.) Add in the looming shadow of property taxes and it feels like my brain has been stockpiling stress for the winter. It just feels like a lot right now.
Of course, no Witching Hour would be complete without my chronic illness crashing the party. The aches, the migraines, the fatigue- they seem to love creeping in at 1 a.m. just to make sure I’m aware they still exist. -who could ever forget? And then there’s the depression, quietly whispering that I’m not good enough, not doing enough, not being enough. It’s a hell of a guest list for a midnight gathering.
This is the time of night when my brain, instead of winding down, decides to run through every single insecurity, bill, symptom, and “what if” it can find. It’s like a bad open mic night in my head where the acts are all anxiety and the spotlight never turns off.
I wish I had a poetic ending here, or some great wisdom about how I conquer these sleepless nights- but the truth is, sometimes I just don’t. Sometimes I scroll my phone until my eyes burn. Sometimes I pet Luna until my breathing slows. And sometimes… I just wait for morning. Even when morning, and watching the window light up just means getting up, making another cup of coffee, and giving up on sleep.
If you’ve been here too, in this strange limbo between midnight and sunrise, I hope you know you’re not alone. The Witching Hour may be loud, but we can still find quiet moments in it- even if they’re small.
It won’t be like this forever.
There is a light at the end of this tunnel, so for today, please try to eat something. Drink water, and take care of yourself. I’m going to be spending the day trying to relax, and take care of a splitting headache. What they’re calling the “1000-year flood” on TikTok if you haven’t heard- although if you’re in the Midwest, you’ve definitely heard about the state of Milwaukee, Wisconsin right now, has had our weather doing backflips, and it’s giving me a migraine unlike anything else.
-Sky, The Crippled Cryptid
If you’re struggling right now, here are some resources that might help:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)- Call or text 988
- 988lifeline.org- 24/7 chat and resources
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline- 1-800-662-4357 (confidential, free, 24/7 help for mental health & substance use)
- Crisis Text Line- Text HOME to 741741 (U.S. & Canada), 85258 (UK), or 50808 (Ireland)
You deserve rest. You deserve peace. And you deserve to see the sunrise without fear of the night. 🌙
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