✨(Dictated by Luna, Chief Medical Alert Gremlin & Unpaid Mom Wrangler)⚠️
Content Notes:
• Mention of a medical episode/seizure
• Gentle mentions of grief (Bear)
• Chronic illness symptoms
Welcome back to The Crippled Cryptid-
A cozy corner of the internet where disability, chronic illness, service dogs, grief, weather nonsense, and a suspicious amount of dog hair all coexist in harmony.
Normally Mom writes these posts.
But not today.
Because Wednesday everything fell apart like a bag of old dog treats, and I- Luna, your resident sunflower-clad medical alert gremlin- have been thrust into a leadership position I did NOT apply for. But it was one that I was born for. Some puppers will tell you that only German Shepherds, Poodles, or Labs can be service dogs, but they would be wrong. Any dog, anywhere, can be a service dog as long as they’re trained to perform real tasks for their human.
For Mom? I do a lot. Medical alerts- mostly seizure alerts, migraine alerts, heart-rate alerts, muscle spasm alerts- you name it. All taught by Mom, who originally brought me home to be a house pup, not a service pup… but fate had other plans.
What can I say? I’m just that special and talented!
Unfortunately, Mom is sick.
Again.
And- as many of you saw on Mom’s TikTok update- she also passed out and had a seizure while she was out without me earlier this week.
I tried to warn her.
I gave her The Look™ and all of the nose boops.
She persisted in pretending she was fine.
She was not fine. If you look in the dictionary under the word Stubborn, you’ll see a picture of Mom.
It is now Friday, and Mom is still not feeling well. The past two days have been full of:
• migraine spikes
• dizziness
• heart weirdness
• nausea
• spine pain
• leg pain
• balance issues
• a general air of “I am a Victorian child who needs to recline dramatically”
It has been A Week.
But she doesn’t want me to tell you about that. She would much rather I tell you about how we got everything it took to make the Yard Yeti’s Birthday Pie (he turns 24 today!) and how she and M&M made that last night- despite more than a few disgruntled sighs and even more disapproving looks from me.
But Mom didn’t want to ruin his birthday. I haven’t had many of those yet, so she said I wouldn’t understand. Just know that I sat by her chair while she worked the stand mixer, ready to alert to any funny business.
❄️ Snow Crimes™ & Other Environmental Threats
And then-THEN– the weather decided to commit violence.
The snow returned like an uninvited relative in a holiday movie, dumping itself everywhere and turning the yard into a white, cold betrayal.
My yard.
My running space.
My crime scene investigation zone.
I went outside to file a formal protest, complete with dramatic high-steps, frantic sniffs, and a deep internal monologue about how winter is personally targeting me. But apparently no one respects my activism.
Snow also triggers my Snow Goblin Mode™. I leap dramatically. I zoom in chaotic circles. I shout at the sky. I attempt to catch flakes with my tongue even though I know they’re sneaky and melting. My fashion (we’ll get to that) gets covered in snow sparkles and I look fabulous.
Inside, meanwhile, Mom kept getting worse, which is honestly rude. She is supposed to supervise my outdoor zoomies, admire my sunflower gear, throw the ball, and provide snacks at consistent intervals.
Instead, she was lying in bed, “resting,” which is code for “cannot brain today.”
M&M kept telling me Mom wasn’t feeling well.
I KNOW, M&M.
I have been monitoring her 24/7 like a nervous helicopter parent with a stethoscope.
When she’s sick, I can’t relax. I press my cold nose against her face, follow her from room to room, hover disapprovingly when she tries to stand, and give her my most pointed “You are fragile. Sit down.” face.
It’s a full-time job. I deserve benefits.
👗 Luna’s Fashion Era: Snow Edition
Before we go further, I need you all to understand something crucial: I am always dressed for the occasion.
I do have a wardrobe for those of you who aren’t aware. Not a collection. A wardrobe. It all started with big brother Bear last winter- he had one red knit sweater from Walmart, and Mom said, “Hmm, he looks so handsome and look now he isn’t cold anymore!”
Then she innocently posted in a Buy Nothing group looking for dog sweaters, and the universe said: Oh, you wanted A sweater? Take FORTY.
M&M looked through the pile, said one was “too girly for Bear,” put it on me, and… well… that was it.
A star was born.
A fashion icon emerged.
A gremlin in cozy knitwear took her first steps.
Now, if you try to take away my sweaters or coats during cold weather, I will yell. Loudly.
I am snug.
I am adorable.
And I will fight for my right to remain so. Which means if I’m going to go outside and brave my beans in the cold, I’m doing it in style and winter brings OPTIONS.
• The Cozy Pastel Jacket- light pink and fleece-lined, makes me look like a mini marshmallow with strong opinions.
• The Pastel Knit Sweater- light pink and cream, with the word spoiled across the back in silvery thread. (I am spoiled, and I know it. Very.)
• The Hot Pink and Maroon Puffer Jacket- mini marshmallow meets sleeping bag with night vision strips. Safety + toasty.
• The Polar Bear Sweater- Mom’s absolute favorite, navy blue with a white polar bear on it. (Cuteness overload)
• The Ugly Christmas Sweater- green & red with candy canes & pretzels. Not quite Christmas yet, but I’m ready if needed.
🎄 The Christmas Tree Situation
We still haven’t decorated for Christmas.
Mom says this is the time of year where the tree comes out of the box, but last year she swore at it a lot. It’s old, and her mom and grandma didn’t label the branches well, so assembling it is like a leafy cryptid skeleton. Maybe it’ll happen this weekend if she’s feeling up to it.
Maybe it won’t.
Being sick makes it hard to be festive. Almost as hard as missing Bear.
Last year, even the tiny bit of snow we got was fun to run in with him. He showed me that winter wasn’t scary- that the world looks different but still safe under a cold white blanket. This year, I’m the one trying to be brave.
Mom says she knows I’m still grieving.
She is, too. Loss is hard, even for very brave gremlins.
🦃 Tom the Stuffed Turkey Lives Another Day
My new best friend is Tom the Turkey, who arrived on Thanksgiving and has somehow survived with all limbs attached. Mom expected me to pull out the pie toy and tennis balls inside him (because apparently, I was a menace as a baby), but I am a refined young lady now.
I do play tug-of-war.
I do wrestle. (Mostly with the Yard Yeti.)
But destruction?
No thank you.
If I rip my friends open, they go to Toy Heaven. I do not allow this.
Since Thanksgiving, I have been:
• monitoring the refrigerator
• patrolling the kitchen
• demanding to inspect leftovers
• trying (and failing) to sit on the dinner rolls again
• taking Tom on emotional support naps
I tried cranberry sauce. One lick. I didn’t like it. I’m brave, not reckless.
🐾 Snuggle Chronicles
Since Mom is sick and winter is personally targeting us, I’ve taken on the following responsibilities:
• alerting to anything suspicious, migraine-y, spasm-y, or emotionally dramatic
• keeping her warm (I am a smol, compact space heater)
• keeping her feet warm specifically (VERY important)
• burrowing under blankets like a tiny jet engine
• napping as moral support
Every time I go outside to potty, I sprint back inside like I’m escaping a crime scene, shake off the snow, and collapse into the nearest warm spot. But my favorite warm spot?
Mom’s bed with the heating blanket on. Perfection.
🌻 The State of the Mom: Medical Edition
Now, before anyone panics: Mom is trying very hard to get a hold of her care team.
Phone calls were made.
Messages were sent.
Hold music was survived.
A brief emotional breakdown over insurance probably occurred.
The fight for an MRI? Apparently not over.
But that’s a story for Saturday’s Health Update, because even I- Luna, who understands the complexities of human illness better than human doctors- need at least 24 hours to emotionally prepare for that saga.
For now, please know:
• Mom is resting.
• She is being monitored by me, the world’s most anxious sunbeam.
• She is doing everything she can to coordinate care after Wednesday’s episode.
And when I’m not hovering, M&M is doing everything they can to make sure Mom doesn’t overdo it. Sometimes having two moms and a really nerdy uncle is a lot of fun.
🐾 Emotional Damage: The Bear-Shaped Kind
On top of EVERYTHING ELSE, today marks 5.5 weeks since my big brother Bear passed away.
Mom misses him deeply.
M&M misses him.
The Yard Yeti misses him.
I miss him in my own way too- the house echoes differently without him.
Mom promised me she’d write more about Bear someday… just not today. Today she’s too sick, and too sad, and I don’t like when she cries because then I cry but with my whole body.
I curled up with her earlier, pressing my head against her chest the way Bear used to. She smiled a little. I think he would’ve liked that.
🌙 So Today… I’m Taking Over
Mom might be too sick to write, but she did NOT want to miss a Luna Takeover Friday. She said:
“Can you handle it this week?”
And I said:
“woof.”
(Which means “Yes, but I expect payment in cheese.”)
So here we are.
Just a dog.
Just a sick mom.
Just a weird winter storm.
Just a blog held together by vibes, disability pride, and an alarming number of medical appointments.
Mom will be okay. She just needs rest, monitoring, and maybe a sledgehammer to break down whatever wall her doctors are hiding behind.
I’ll keep taking care of her.
And she’ll keep trying to take care of herself.
In the meantime:
• please drink water
• please rest your own meat skeletons
• please do not go places alone if you’re feeling off
• and please respect the medical opinions of certified sunflower service dogs
(We are always right.)
Love, naps, and slightly frantic medical vigilance,
Luna 🐾🌻
© The Crippled Cryptid- Disability, honesty, and a little chaos.
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