There are Very Cold Toebeans.
Content Notes: extreme cold weather, winter safety, chronic illness, service dog care, mild swearing, medical procedures, light medical trauma.
Welcome to The Crippled Cryptid.
Disability, chronic illness, service dogs, and survival without the performance.
If you’re new here, hi.
I’m Luna Bean.
Medical alert service dog.
Certified Good Girl.
Full-time nervous system supervisor.
Mama’s body is very dramatic.
My job is to notice before it steals the spotlight.
I alert to migraines.
Seizures.
Heart rate spikes.
Muscle spasms.
And any vibes that feel suspicious enough to deserve a second opinion.
I interrupt spirals.
I apply Deep Pressure Therapy like it’s a sacred ritual.
I’m learning to retrieve what Mama drops when hands stop cooperating.
Some call me a dog.
Others call me medical equipment.
Mama calls me her freedom.
I consider myself a very important partner.
Maybe even a sidekick.
Most days move slowly. Some happen from Bed Jail™.
That’s fine. I’m excellent at staying close and making sure Mama doesn’t drift too far away from herself.
There’s also M&M.
Mama #2.
Belly rub-giver. Treat-giver. Emotional support human.
She belongs to both of us.
This space is for chronic illness without shame.
Disability without performance.
Care without conditions.
(And yes. There will be fur.)
If you’ve been here before, welcome back.
If you’re new, you’re safe here.
Welcome to the Lunatic Café.
On today’s menu: Friday Takeover.
Hello. Happy Friday. You made it through another week!
I am very prouds of you. You did the best you could.
Mama’s feeling under the weather with a little cold this week, which means I’ve been extra vigilant. Sniffles are unacceptable in this household, and I take my supervision very seriously.
Mama is taking extra vitamins. She’s also been taking Buckley’s.
If you didn’t know, Buckley’s is a Canadian cough medicine. Mama hates it but, she says that it works better than everything else out there. So she takes it, even if she does a lot of yelling afterwards. I don’t like the way it smells.
We also made it through yet another week of ice and snow here in Illinois. I don’t remember signing up for the Antarctica free trial, and frankly, the lack of penguins feels like false advertising.
For the record, I love penguins.
Recently, M&M gave me one of Mama’s penguins. That means I officially have my own penguin collection now. This particular penguin is a pillow, and I sleep with it every night. I will not go nii nii without my penguin, and I think that is very reasonable of me.
Mama and M&M have their stuffies, I’m allowed to have Pengu.
The cold, however, is not reasonable.
We are currently operating under Extreme Cold Protocol, which means I go outside, do my business, and then immediately return indoors like a responsible professional. I wear my coats and sweaters because the weather itself has chosen violence, and we believe in dog safety in this household.
We are a paw-safety family.
I refuse to wear dog boots. Every attempt has been rejected with great passion. So instead, Mama and M&M keep paw balm on me at all times. When I come inside, my paws get dried right away.
This is for two important reasons.
One: it is extremely cold, and you wouldn’t want to stand barefoot outside when the wind chill could give you frostbite in under ten minutes.
Two: road salt exists, and that does not belong on my feet.
Dry paws mean safe paws.
After that, it’s blankets. Sometimes all the blankets.
Especially the heated blanket. That one is my favorite.
Do not assume I am bored.
Indoor enrichment is serious business around here. We play with toys, balls, food puzzles, and find-the-cookie games. My brain stays busy even when my body needs extra naps. And there is always a time and place for training- even if it’s when we’re inside the house.
Australian Cattle Dogs are smart. We require stimulation. Even when it’s extremely cold and naptime is mandatory.
If you didn’t know this about me, I would happily live outside 24/7 if given the option. Rain, snow, sunshine, middle of the night. As long as I have a ball, I am content.
My favorite ball in the entire universe is the ChuckIt Kick Fetch ball. Mama found one at an overstock store for one dollar once, and I loved it so much they had to buy another. Sadly, both got damaged and were retired before winter.
I think we’ll need to get more before spring arrives, for everyone’s peace of mind. I love my plush toys. I love tennis balls. But if you show up with that ball, I will absolutely be your best friend forever.
I wish the weather would warm up so we could play outside more.
Mama also has a lot of bruises from her PET scan last Wednesday. I’ve been giving extra side-eye supervision, monitoring closely, and making sure she doesn’t overdo it. Being my Mama is hard work, and I take my job protecting her very seriously.
Since she’s healing from the failed test there has been a lot of time spent in Bed Jail™ and a lot of avoided phone calls. She says she needs new doctors, and I believe that. But I also think that she needs a day off every now and then.
Until then, we adapt. We rest. We survive winter together.
Thank you for staying with us.
If something here felt familiar, you’re not alone.
If today asked too much of you, it’s okay to rest.
You don’t have to earn care.
You don’t have to prove pain.
You don’t have to be productive to be worthy.
I’ll be right here.
Watching Mama’s breathing.
Listening for the quiet shifts.
Ready to interrupt, ground, or curl up as needed.
If you want to spoil me, Mama did make me an Amazon Wishlist.
No expectations. Ever.
It’s just there for people who like sending love in chew-toy form.
Until next Friday,
Luna 🐾
(on behalf of Mama)
© The Crippled Cryptid
Disability. Honesty. A little chaos.
(Absolutely dog fur and puppy love.)
🔗 https://linktr.ee/skylanarissa
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If you want to support the long, unglamorous work of survival and mobility:
💜 https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-skys-journey-to-health-and-mobility
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