Content Note: Mentions of chronic illness, medical alerts, and ongoing healthcare navigation.
Welcome to The Crippled Cryptid
Disability. Chronic illness. Service dogs. Survival without the performance.
If you’re new here, hi.
I’m Luna Bean.
Medical alert service dog.
Certified Good Girl.
Full-time nervous system supervisor.
Mama’s body is… theatrical.
My job is to notice before it steals the spotlight.
I alert to:
- Migraines
- Seizures
- Heart rate spikes
- Muscle spasms
- Suspicious vibes requiring a second opinion
I interrupt spirals.
I apply Deep Pressure Therapy like it’s sacred.
I’m learning to retrieve what Mama drops when hands stop cooperating.
Some call me a dog.
Others call me medical equipment.
Mama calls me her freedom.
Or her sassy little spirit guide, it depends on the day.
I consider myself a very important partner.
Possibly the sidekick.
Possibly the main character. We can revisit that later.
Most days move slowly. Some happen from Bed Jail™.
That’s fine. I excel at staying close and making sure Mama doesn’t drift too far away from herself.
The Household Staff
There’s also M&M.
Mama #2.
Belly-rub giver.
Treat distributor.
Emotional support human.
She belongs to both of us.
This space is for:
- Chronic illness without shame (who’s that? We don’t know them.)
- Disability without performance
- Care without conditions
And yes. There will be fur.
If you’ve been here before, welcome back.
If you’re new, you’re safe here.
Welcome to the Lunatic Café.
On Today’s Menu: Friday Takeover
This week featured:
- Many phone calls
- Exactly zero helpful answers
- Weather that cannot commit to a personality
Mama’s birthday was Monday. I executed a surprise takeover. It was iconic.
Mama #2 made the most elite burgers she has ever burgered.
Otherwise? Quiet week.
We finished Season One of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters which made both Mamas very sad. Not devastated, because thankfully Season Two came out today.
We watched the first episode last night.
Sleep was postponed for this… I didn’t mind. Extra snuggles in favor of TV time?
Count me in!
Friday Night Monster Ritual is now official.
I approve of traditions. Especially the couch-based and bed snuggly ones.
📊 Official Weekly Paw Rating
This week earns:
🐾🐾🐾 (3 out of 5 paws)
Lowkey. Manageable. Slightly chaotic but survivable.
Bonus Paw Clause:
Mama’s birthday occurred.
Which means celebration.
Which means I received a puffed yak cheese chew.
But I also got dried salmon skins.
On her birthday.
As it should be.
I consider this redistribution of joy.
Pokémon Day (???)
Apparently today is Pokémon Day.
Humans celebrate fascinating things.
I do not fully understand Pokémon. I assume it involves tiny creatures and emotional attachment. That tracks.
Even if I don’t understand it, I am delighted to be included.
Inclusion matters.
Sunlight & Spicy Bird Politics
It reached 60 degrees today.
After several days of 30-degree nonsense.
Mama let me stay outside longer than usual. I ran. I sniffed. I supervised the yard.
Sunlight improves morale. Mine and Mama’s.
It also means that I get more time playing with my ball, as it should.
Mama #2 refilled the bird feeder.
Aunt Dee sends spicy bird seed to deter squirrels.
We don’t hate squirrels.
They simply lack portion control.
If I were a bird, I would absolutely want kind humans refilling my snacks.
✨ Groomed, Glorious, Grounded
Thursday was Spa Day.
At-home edition.
Nails trimmed.
Brushed until shiny.
Rinseless bath administered with dignity mostly intact.
I also got a new coat of Burt’s Bees paw and nose balm.
Self-care is not vanity.
It is maintenance of the very important medical professional who keeps this household running.
I feel aerodynamic.
Upcoming Missions
Tomorrow: Food bank.
Monday: Doctor appointment.
I will not attend either mission.
Perhaps the Yard Yeti will entertain me.
We will see.
🐾Luna’s Weekly Stats
Paw Rating: 🐾🐾🐾
Favorite Moment: Birthday yak cheese redistribution ceremony.
Hardest Moment: The Week of Phone Calls With No Answers.
Chew of the Week: Puffed yak cheese. Elite.
Professional Accomplishment: Continued nervous system supervision with zero missed alerts.
Before I Clock Out
If something here felt familiar, you’re not alone.
If today asked too much of you, it’s okay to rest.
You don’t have to earn care.
You don’t have to prove pain.
You don’t have to be productive to be worthy.
I’ll be right here.
Watching Mama’s breathing.
Listening for the quiet shifts.
Ready to interrupt, ground, or curl up as needed.
If you want to spoil me, Mama made an Amazon Wishlist.
No expectations. Ever.
It just exists for people who like sending love in ball or chew toy form.
Until next Friday,
Luna 🐾
(on behalf of Mama and Mama #2)
© The Crippled Cryptid
Disability. Honesty. A little chaos.
Absolutely dog fur and puppy love.
🔗 https://linktr.ee/skylanarissa
No pressure to donate. Reading and sharing count.
If you want to support the long, unglamorous work of survival and mobility:
💜 https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-skys-journey-to-health-and-mobility
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