A Friday Luna Takeover
Content Note: Mentions of chronic illness, medication access issues, migraines, seizures, and severe weather.
Welcome to The Crippled Cryptid.
Disability, chronic illness, service dogs, and survival without the performance.
If you’re new here, hi.
I’m Luna Bean.
Medical alert service dog.
Certified Good Girl.
Full-time nervous system supervisor.
Mama’s body is very dramatic.
My job is to notice before it steals the spotlight.
I alert to migraines.
Seizures.
Heart rate spikes.
Muscle spasms.
And any vibes suspicious enough to deserve a second opinion.
I interrupt spirals.
I apply Deep Pressure Therapy like it’s a sacred ritual.
I’m learning to retrieve what Mama drops when her hands stop cooperating.
Some people call me a dog.
Others call me medical equipment.
Mama calls me freedom.
I consider myself a very important partner.
Maybe even a sidekick.
Most days Mama calls me her sassy little spirit guide.
But when Mama likes to ignore every red flag her body throws at her, I have to break out the full government name and start calling her Mumther.
You know.
For emphasis.
Life at the Lunatic Café
Most days move slowly.
Some happen from Bed Jail™.
That’s okay. I’m excellent at staying close and making sure Mama doesn’t drift too far away from herself.
There’s also M&M.
Mama #2.
Belly rub giver.
Treat giver.
Emotional support human.
She belongs to both of us.
This space is for chronic illness without shame.
Disability without performance.
Care without conditions.
And yes.
There will absolutely be fur.
If you’ve been here before, welcome back.
If you’re new, you’re safe here.
Welcome to the Lunatic Café.
And on today’s menu: Friday Takeover.
False Spring Is a Scam
Hi, hello there.
It’s Friday, which means you made it through another week.
I’m proud of you.
I hope your week was easier than Mama’s, because hers has been… a lot.
Not even in a, gone out to many appointments kind of way.
Part of that is the weather.
We are currently trapped inside something humans call False Spring: Act One.
Personally, I would call it meteorological nonsense.
This week alone we had:
• A 70-degree day
• Really scary thunderstorms
• Snow
• And hail big enough to make the news
In Kankakee, Illinois, about an hour and a half away from us, they think a piece of hail fell that might be the largest ever recorded in the United States.
It was about eight inches wide.
Eight inches!
That’s bigger than a grapefruit.
And more importantly…
Bigger than my favorite ball.
Which I think we can all agree is extremely suspicious behavior from the sky.
And I don’t know about you but, I really don’t like that.
Luna’s Extremely Professional Weather Report
As the household Certified Weather Dog, I would like to file a formal complaint with the atmosphere.
False Spring is confusing.
One day the air smells like sunshine and outside adventures.
The next day the sky starts yelling and throwing lightning around like a toddler with a drum set.
And then apparently it just decides to drop snow again.
Excuse me???
How am I supposed to maintain a consistent ball schedule under these conditions?
Mama vs. The Pharmacy
As if the weather chaos wasn’t enough, Mama has also been without one of her most important medications since last Saturday.
Which means the routine this week has looked something like this:
- Bed Jail™
- Calling the pharmacy
- Not feeling well
- Calling the pharmacy again
- Repeat every other day
I love Mama very much.
But Mama with a migraine is one of my least favorite things.
Almost as much as Mama hates having one.
So, this week I’ve been working extra shifts.
Watching breathing.
Monitoring heart rate.
Staying ready.
Because that’s what partners do.
The Official Bed Jail Report
According to my extremely scientific observations this week, Mama’s condition has mostly hovered around:
Level 4: Full Bed Jail Sentence.
Which means:
• Lots of blankets
• Lights turned down low
• Me applying Deep Pressure Therapy
• Mumther pretending she is fine (she is not fine)
Sometimes we briefly downgrade to Certified Bed Goblin, which means Mama escapes the blankets long enough to do something small before retreating again.
Personally, I think Level 4 Bed Jail deserves extra snacks.
And possibly soup.
Lots of soup.
The Migraine Dragon Situation
Mama’s migraines are something I take very seriously.
They are basically dragons.
Small dragons sometimes.
Very large dragons other times.
This week we’ve had a couple Fire Lizard moments.
And at least one Castle Siege situation.
When that happens my job is to:
• Stay close
• Watch breathing
• Interrupt if needed
• And remind Mama to rest
Because dragons are rude.
The Best Part of the Week
The highlight of the week happened on Tuesday, March 10.
Also known as MAR10 Day. Mama wrote a whole post about it that I’ll link here.
Both Mamas spent the day on the couch in pajamas playing video games and yelling at the TV.
Mama won the first round of Fortune Street.
Mama #2 won the second round.
(It was very close and there was a lot of competitive commentary.)
For dinner they planned to make hot dogs on the Blackstone outside.
Did that happen?
No.
Because it started raining again.
Which also meant I didn’t get to play with my ball.
But that’s okay.
No one is perfect.
TV Night With the Mamas
Even with all the chaos this week, we still had something important to look forward to.
TV Night.
Right now, the Mamas are watching Monarch: Legacy of Monsters on Apple TV+.
Personally, I think it’s a very good show.
Lots of dramatic music.
Lots of giant monsters.
Lots of humans running around looking extremely stressed.
Which honestly feels relatable.
I like to supervise from the blankets while the Mamas watch.
Sometimes I fall asleep halfway through.
But that’s okay because it still counts as very important emotional support work.
The Soup Recovery Scale
Because Mama hasn’t been feeling great this week, we have entered what I like to call the Soup Era.
Soup is very important.
It is warm.
It is cozy.
It is basically edible comfort.
Right now I would say Mama is somewhere between:
Comfort Soup and Emergency Soup.
Which means we are not at disaster levels yet.
But we are definitely still in recovery mode.
Service Dog Weekly Status Report
For anyone wondering how busy I’ve been this week:
My Alert Meter has mostly been hovering somewhere between High Alert and Code Red.
Lots of monitoring.
Lots of hovering.
Lots of reminding Mama that ignoring symptoms is not a valid coping strategy.
Honestly sometimes I think she forgets I can hear her heartbeat.
Looking Toward the Weekend
Right now the humans say it might snow again this weekend.
Which feels rude. If you didn’t know already, my toe beans hate the cold.
But if the weather improves, I’m hoping we can go outside a little.
Fresh air helps Mama.
And it helps me too.
My main goals for the weekend are:
• Better weather
• Mama getting her medication
• More outside time
• Ball throwing (very important)
• Fewer migraines
• A nap in a sunbeam
If the weather keeps being dramatic, that’s okay too.
I’m very good at couch duty.
Before I Go
Thanks for spending time with us today.
If something here felt familiar, you’re not alone.
If today asked too much of you, it’s okay to rest.
You don’t have to earn care.
You don’t have to prove pain.
You don’t have to be productive to be worthy.
I’ll be right here.
Watching Mama’s breathing.
Listening for quiet shifts.
Ready to interrupt, ground, or curl up as needed.
That’s the job.
And I take it very seriously.
If you want to spoil me, Mama did make me an Amazon Wishlist.
No expectations. Ever.
It’s just there for people who enjoy sending love in chew toy or ball form.
Until next Friday,
Luna 🐾
(on behalf of Mamas)
© The Crippled Cryptid
Disability. Honesty. A little chaos.
(Absolutely dog fur and puppy love.)
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