(feat. Luna Bean, Service Dingo™ & Certified Genius)

But I don’t trust it.

Content Notes

• Chronic illness & disability discussion
• Medical gaslighting mentions
• Sleep struggles & chronic pain
• Brief grief mention (Bear)

Welcome to the Lunatic Café ☕🐾

This week, I discovered I am not just a service dog.
I am an egg-opening genius.

Welcome to The Crippled Cryptid.
Disability, chronic illness, service dogs, and survival without the performance.

If you’re new here, hi.
I’m Luna Bean.

Medical alert service dog.
Certified Good Girl.
Full-time nervous system supervisor.

Mama’s body is very dramatic.
My job is to notice before it steals the spotlight.

I alert to:
• Migraines
• Seizures
• Heart rate spikes
• Muscle spasms
• Suspicious vibes requiring further investigation

I interrupt spirals.
I apply Deep Pressure Therapy like it’s a sacred ritual.
Because honestly? It is.

I’m learning to retrieve items when hands stop cooperating.

Some call me a dog.
Others call me medical equipment.
Mama calls me her freedom.

I consider myself a very important partner.
Maybe even a sidekick.

(But between us… I’m the main character.)

A Quiet Week in the Den 🌿

This week has been quiet.
Not the heavy kind.
The soft, post-holiday kind.

And this past Sunday?

Easter. My second one. Perfect.

Since we couldn’t go to a public doggy egg hunt this year, my Mamas brought the magic home.

And let me tell you something important:

I understood the assignment.

The Egg Hunt Chronicles 🥚✨

Before release, I was stationed with the Yard Yeti (our resident backyard cryptid/human/mama’s little brother).

They showed me the prize:
✨ Bison. ✨

I received a sample. For research purposes.

Then?

I was unleashed.

(I did, however, check each egg twice. For quality control.)

Egg #1: Light Blue

The color of my very first service vest.

I spotted it.
Retrieved it.
Did a quick tactical tinkle.
Then delivered it to Mama.

She opened it with a little click.

Reward received.
Mission successful.

Egg #2: Bright Yellow

Like my current vest.
The one with the sunflowers on it that Mama adores.

They remind her of the ones that grow off the side of the deck when the birds get messy and drop their seeds.

Sunflowers.
The kind that stand for invisible disabilities.
Like what Mama has.

This time… I hesitated.

Mama asked,
“Are you gonna open it yourself?”

Reader.

I absolutely was.

I set it down.
Pawed it.
Focused like a tiny furry engineer.

And then…
CLICK.

Opened.

The pride in her voice?
Immaculate.
The bison?
Twice as delicious.

The Rest of the Hunt

Mama #2 joined us.

Egg after egg, I delivered.

Then upgraded.

No longer assistant.
Now: independent egg-opening professional.

Aunt Lise called mid-hunt.

Instead of just hearing about it?

She watched me crack open a green egg live.

Iconic behavior.

She was proud of me too.
And I love it when my humans are proud of me, and call me a good girl.

Title Earned: Eggie Hunter Extraordinaire 🐾

I made everyone laugh.
I made everyone happy.

Even the Yard Yeti said he was proud of me.

I contained none of my joy.
I regret nothing.

The Missing Piece 🕯️

The only thing that could have made it better?

Bear.

We miss him. Every day.
Some days louder than others.

I think he would’ve liked the Easter egg hunt.

Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to open them by himself…
Or maybe he would have.

He was stubborn like Mama.

I would have showed him how. He would have gotten it.

Feast Mode Activated 🍗

After the hunt:

The ham in the oven.
The bone sliding out when it was done, like a magic trick.

Humans had:
• Cream cheese mashed potatoes
• Corn (because the Yard Yeti insists at every holiday)
• Brussels sprouts

I had:
• Chicken
• Rice
• Broth
• Steamed veggies

We gathered in the frunchroom
(a Midwest word for the room where families gather).

Watched Moonfall.
Shared warmth, food, and quiet joy.

And yes.
I may have received approved snack tributes.

Because I am not just a dog here.
Nor am I just a service dog.

I am family.

📊 Luna’s Weekly Metrics

On Alerts & False Spring 🌦️

Now for the serious voice.

Alerts have been relentless.

Not just because Mama is stubborn.
(…okay, partially because Mama is stubborn.)

But because we’re in False Spring Act IV.
The Midwest’s favorite betrayal season.
The one that pretends it’s safe… before winter tries one last ambush.

Her body feels it.

So, I stay sharp.

Even when playtime is short.
Even when outside time is brief.

I am always watching.

🐉 Migraine Dragon Status

The Sleep Situation 💤

Mama isn’t sleeping well.

Her Apple Watch keeps telling her.
I don’t need batteries to know that.

I hear every shift.
Every restless movement.

Sometimes I:
• Lift my head
• Give a soft wuff
• Crawl over and apply DPT
• Or just snuggle her. Because snuggles are medicine too.

She says her legs feel like something is trying to chew its way out.

I don’t like that.

So, I help.

Because that’s my job.

🛏️ Bed Jail™ Status

🍲 Soup Recovery Scale

A Necessary Boundary 🛑

Let’s talk about something important.

People love to suggest solutions.

Not all of them are safe.
Not all of them are informed.

Mama is not going to:
• Starve herself
• Ignore medical advice
• Replace science with trends

Because:

Not eating doesn’t fix seizures.
Not eating doesn’t fix Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.
Not eating doesn’t fix MCAS.

What it can do is make things worse.

So, we listen to actual medical professionals.

And when people push?

Mama smiles.
Nods.
And keeps it moving.

Because sometimes people mean well.
And sometimes they don’t.

Either way, it doesn’t mean you have to listen.

Signs of Spring 🌷

Despite everything:

The tulips are coming back.
Tiny blue wildflowers are waking up in the yard.
Finches. Cardinals. Robins at the feeder.

So maybe…

Just maybe…

Spring is real this time.

Maybe that’s what Easter feels like here.

Not big miracles.
Just small, quiet returns.

Warmth.
Color.
And the kind of hope that doesn’t ask too much of you.

🐾 Luna’s Lesson of the Week

If something makes your humans smile, it matters.
If something makes you feel proud, it counts.

And if you can open your own eggies?

Celebrate it like it’s the most important thing in the world.

Because sometimes… it is.

From My Paws to You 🐾

Thanks for staying with us.

If something here felt familiar, you’re not alone.

If today asked too much of you, it’s okay to rest.

You don’t have to earn care.
You don’t have to prove pain.
You don’t have to be productive to be worthy.

I’ll be right here.

Watching Mama’s breathing.
Listening for quiet shifts.
Ready to interrupt, ground, or curl up as needed.

Main character duties never end.
And I take my job very seriously.

If you celebrated something this week- big or small-
I hope it held a little softness for you too.

Stay hydrated.
Eat your snacks.
Listen to your body.
And if possible… open something fun.

Bonus: Spoil the Service Dingo™ 🎁

Mama made me an Amazon Wishlist.

No pressure. Ever.

It’s just there for people who like sending love in ball or chew toy form.

Until next Friday,
Luna 🐾
(on behalf of Mamas)

© The Crippled Cryptid
Disability. Honesty. A little chaos.
(Absolutely dog fur and puppy love.)

🔗 https://linktr.ee/skylanarissa

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💜 https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-skys-journey-to-health-and-mobility