(TW: Mentions of Abuse, Strong Language, Possible Mentions of SA, Mentions of Alcohol, & Relationships.)
I’ll be the first one to call myself out and tell you that I haven’t done a whole lot of reading this year. I don’t know why but, I just keep finding myself in a slump, and I swear it all falls around one fucking trope that makes me want to eyeroll myself into the next dimension every single time. Forced proximity. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve read my fair share of books where this trope is done extremely well, and while I know a few of you might want to throw me to the wolves here for saying it… ACOMAF, chapter 12. That’s all I have to say, and while it isn’t 100% forced proximity, and I don’t want to give spoilers, even though I know most people have already read the books, Tamlin is still on my list of people who “if you were on fire, I wouldn’t even piss on you to put it out” for that cute little stunt. So, while she isn’t technically stuck with Mr. Shiny Stick-Up-His-Ass, it’s still forced proximity/ holding her hostage in a way? At least, when you want to get down to the nitty gritty details.
But, in the same breath, I also have to mention that there have been so many books that do it badly. I won’t name any names because that’s rude, and I don’t want to burn any bridges here. Especially because I love, love, love being an ARC reader but, I have to ask myself sometimes if these people have ever picked up a good book a day in their lives, or if they just like to hear themselves talk. Because stakeouts that last 2-weeks rather than 2 hours, or coworkers who are with each other literally all the time, roommates who never get a break from each other, falling in love with the villain [still one of my favorite tropes] but so easily overdone. -another thing that I absolutely cannot stand among forced proximity tropes is that one second one MC will hate the other, and then BAM, quite literally the second you aren’t looking, someone takes their shirt off… and there it is! Insta-love. After that, you’re just asking for all of the plot holes to arise, and it becomes a drinking game.
My Supernatural fans know what I mean, take a shot every time Bobby calls somebody an “idjit,” Sam or Dean dies, Cass says some ridiculous shit, Dean takes one bite of something, and it disappears, etc. By the time you’re 20 minutes into the episode you will either have alcohol poisoning, or if you’re taking shots of water, you’ll be really hydrated. -can you tell we’re doing a rewatch with the little brother here? [Currently, we’re in season 6, almost season 7. No spoilers though, Kat’s never watched before, so it’s her first time, and we are struggling so hard not to spoil any of the fun stuff.]
But I think that’s the thing about forced proximity in novels vs. real life. Sometimes, I think it’s good, and even healthy to be alone, and in a way, it’s good to want that time alone to work on your hobbies, and work through your feelings in a healthy way. You know what I mean? Do whatever it is that you need to do in a safe, healthy, calming way, that doesn’t put you, or anyone else at risk of any mental, physical, or emotional harm. But they don’t show that in novels or on tv shows when they’re portraying these forced proximity tropes- albeit because they have limited space, time constraints, and whatnot but, it leaves room to question it, for those who have never been in a relationship before and only have these bits of media to go off of- when is too much forced proximity too much? When is too much togetherness, or too much time together, too much?
It gets to the point where it can almost become abusive. Where your personality- or the personalities of the main characters almost blend to become one, and the hopes and dreams that they started out with, may no longer be of any importance because they’re too busy chasing after this new partner. See, this is the part where, I feel like someone needs to insert a clip from the 1997 animated Disney adaptation of Hercules where Hades was like, “He’s a guy!” You know what I mean? Just because someone with a pretty face comes around, male, female, etc. that’s not a reason to give up on your dreams.
They need to show that it’s one thing to knock on a door, and to check on your person when you think that they may not be okay. To show them that you care, to make sure that they’re alright, and then leave them alone when they ask you to and give them a little bit of space. Because, I think that’s okay, that’s healthy. You’re allowed to check on someone, let them know you love them, you’re thinking about them, and gracefully give them space.
However, I think it’s an entirely different ball game when you keep barging in on whatever private space that they’ve made for themselves over and over for bullshit reasons, especially if they’ve made it widely known that they need or want their space. That’s where I’ve got to draw the line. It’s manipulative, and I have to say that it’s controlling. There’s a fine line between showing you care about someone, and their mental health and wellbeing, and trying to manipulate and steer the situation in whatever direction you feel as if it should be going.
But at the same time, I also feel like there should be an open line of conversation a the end, where you should be able to go to your person and be able to have a calm and open conversation about whatever may or may not have sparked the need for space and alone time. -sometimes, there may not be a reason why but, you never know. Because, if you can’t sit down and have a calm conversation, without someone getting upset, yelling, screaming, crying, storming off, or shutting down, that is a huge red flag. Because why would you be with someone you don’t feel like you can trust, or talk to on a deeper level, right? Otherwise, they wouldn’t really be your person, now, would they?
What do you think? Do you like forced proximity in novels? If so, what are some of your favorite novels with forced proximity? Another favorite of mine, though I know it doesn’t get nearly as much love as it should anymore is Guilty Pleasures by Laurell K. Hamilton, it’s the first in her Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series, and while it can’t be 100% considered forced proximity, I’m pretty sure you’ll see the parallels.
-Sƙყ
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