Trigger Warnings: Food insecurity, verbal aggression, ableism, and public confrontation.
Note: This post discusses a distressing experience at a food pantry. If you’re currently facing food insecurity, resources are listed at the end of this post. Know that you’re not alone- plenty of Americans, Canadians, and people across the UK are all experiencing hard times right now, and we can all get through this together.
The Morning That Took a Turn
Wednesday mornings are usually routine for Babe (affectionately known here as the Moss Maiden) and me. We visit our local food pantry- a place that’s been a lifeline since 2022 when I lost my job and began navigating the labyrinthine process of securing my disability benefits. Over time, the pantry staff and volunteers have become like family, always greeting us with genuine care and concern.
However, this past Wednesday was different. While waiting at the meat counter, we witnessed a woman berating one of our favorite volunteers, whom I’ll refer to as D. The woman accused D of being rude and condescending simply because she couldn’t get a specific item she wanted- a 5lb bag of chicken thighs- despite being a single-person household. At our pantry, meat distribution is based on family size to ensure fairness among everyone. Some weeks are better than others, and some weeks there is nothing in the way of meat at all from the pantry- and that is okay. Everything from the pantry is a donation from the kindness of someone’s heart, and that’s something that needs to be remembered. D handled the situation with grace, explaining the policy, but the woman continued to escalate the situation.
I couldn’t stay silent. I asked D if she wanted me to intervene, to which she responded with a smile, suggesting the woman was probably just embarrassed. I understand that initial discomfort; I felt it too in a way, during my first visit. But there’s a line between discomfort and disrespect.
Still, I apologized for her poor behavior- so did Babe- we know these people, and their character, and after knowing them for so long… we can tell you D is anything but rude, condescending and disrespectful, she is an absolute ray of sunshine. Seeing her mistreated has stuck with me.
When Safety Feels Compromised
The tension didn’t end there. Later, while waiting near a refrigerator section, a man aggressively tried to bypass the line, nearly hitting a child and their mother behind us with his cart. When another volunteer, T, reminded him of the rules, he became hostile, shouting that he was leaving- accusing Babe and I of taking too long. “This isn’t a grocery store, they can’t just stand there and look at things!” He shouted, I stood to the side with my cane, while Babe shopped from the rest of that fridge, as was our rights.
I was making sure there was nothing in the “zero sugar” creamer that would make me sick with my restrictions. The volunteers tried to reason with him, telling him we were allowed to look at things- just as he was allowed to pick up, and look at things- some people have allergies and food restrictions. We weren’t taking those few extra seconds to dally, or make the people behind us wait for no reason- aspartame can make me incredibly sick, cause migraines, or even seizures, those extra 10-seconds of reading the label could have saved my life.
When people raise their voices at volunteers who are just trying to help, it doesn’t just make the room feel incredibly tense- it makes it feel unsafe. As someone disabled, chronically ill, and food insecure, I already carry the weight of believing I have to “justify” every single resource that I accept. That I don’t deserve to be here- in the food pantry, or in the room.
Moments like this remind me how quickly people will treat others as disposable. It feels like a confirmation of every fear I’ve had about being “too much,” about taking up space I supposedly haven’t earned. But I deserve to be here. To eat. To be treated with respect. We all do.
As for the man? He stormed out- grabbing items he wasn’t entitled to. And when confronted, he threw a bag of English muffins at T before fully leaving.
For the first time ever, I felt unsafe at the pantry- a place that had always been a haven. The volunteers, who dedicate their time out of sheer goodwill, don’t deserve such treatment. These incidents not only jeopardize the safety of everyone present but also threaten the integrity of the support system that so many rely on.
A Call for Compassion
Food pantries exist to support those in need, offering not just sustenance but dignity and community. It’s crucial to remember that everyone- volunteers and patrons alike- deserves respect. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, take a moment. Take a deep breath but, do not take your frustrations out on the people around you who are trying to help. Recognize that the person across from you is doing their best, often under challenging circumstances also.
🧠Resources for Food Assistance
If you or someone you know is facing food insecurity, here are some resources:
United States
- Feeding America: Find local food banks and meal programs. feedingamerica.org
- USAGov: Information on federal food assistance programs like SNAP and WIC. usa.gov/food-help
- FindHelp.org: Search for free or reduced-cost services in your area. findhelp.org
Canada
- Food Banks Canada: National directory of food banks. foodbankscanada.ca
- Second Harvest: Canada’s largest food rescue organization. secondharvest.ca
- Daily Bread: Find food programs by location. dailybread.ca
United Kingdom
- Trussell Trust: Network of food banks across the UK. trusselltrust.org
- Citizens Advice: Guidance on accessing food banks and other support. citizensadvice.org.uk
Let’s strive to make our shared spaces ones of kindness and understanding. Everyone has a story, and a little compassion can go a long way.
Another incredible resource you can check out to see if it’s in your area is called Lasagna Love– you can sign up, and someone in your area can make you and your family a delicious, homemade lasagna. I’ve used this service a couple of times when I was in a bind- after surgeries and procedures, and let me just tell you that it is an absolute lifesaver.
Stay safe, stay strong, spooky- and as always, kind.
-Sky, The Crippled Cryptid.
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