Content Warnings: This post contains discussion of death, cancer (including specific types), grief, and chronic illness. It also includes personal experiences with loss and medical trauma.
“Blog Posts on All of the Wrong Days- Trust Me, I Know.”
If you’ve been on social media recently, you probably already know: the Australian-American actor Julian McMahon passed away on July 2nd, 2025, after a private battle with cancer. He was 56.
He was best known for iconic roles like Cole Turner in Charmed, Dr. Christian Troy in Nip/Tuck, Victor Von Doom in Fantastic Four, and Jess LaCroix in FBI: Most Wanted.
This isn’t a “news” blog, and I’m not here to report the facts. I’m writing because this loss… fucking breaks my heart. And I want to talk about it because I’ve been crying about it behind closed doors- without even talking to my girlfriend about it since I heard the news.
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give but cannot.”
-Jamie Anderson
When I was little, there was a tradition: get up, get dressed for school, and sit with my mom and grandfather while reruns of Charmed played in the living room. I didn’t know they were reruns at the time. I just knew I loved Cole Turner- the half-demon who was torn between the world he came from and the one he wanted to belong to. A character who wrestled with his own identity as fiercely as I do now.
He was bold, magnetic, flawed- and he loved Phoebe. Even when he didn’t get it right. Even when it hurt. And honestly? To this day, I still wish they had ended up together. (Fight me.)
“The monster isn’t always the monster- and doesn’t always want to be.”
Cole Turner wasn’t just a character. He was the first push I ever got toward loving stories about monsters and magic, misunderstood villains and morally grey love interests. I wouldn’t be the reader (or writer) I am without him. Baltazar walked so my TBR list of monster romances could run.
Later, when I was a teen, my mom and I would watch reruns of Nip/Tuck together. I was already showing symptoms of chronic illness- migraines, early signs of MCAS- but I was still “healthy enough” to play softball, help care for my mom, and be the version of myself people recognized.
Medical shows always spoke to me in ways I couldn’t explain. Nip/Tuck was no different. It wasn’t just the drama- it was the unraveling of identities, the scars and surgeries, the illusions and truths people carry in their bodies. Watching Julian in that show felt like seeing someone who understood transformation- not just in fiction, but in the flesh.
“How are you feeling?”
I don’t have cancer. But I do know what it’s like to brace yourself for that question- from friends, from doctors, from well-meaning strangers.
“How are you feeling?”
Sometimes I’d rather be slapped in the face than try to answer that question honestly. Because saying “worse” makes people sad. Saying “the same” makes them disappointed. Saying “better” feels like a lie. Truthfully giving them an answer when they ask about my pain feels risky. I imagine Julian might have felt the same. Maybe that’s why he kept his illness private. Maybe he thought he’d beat it. Maybe he didn’t want his last chapter to be paparazzi shoving cameras in his face asking: How are you feeling, Julian? Are the treatments working? The thought of it all makes me wish that I could go back in time and hug him, and tell him that I understand that it would all be okay. -even though future me knows that it wouldn’t be.
A Legacy of Strength in Silence
Julian passed from what’s been reported as head and neck cancer that metastasized to his lungs. Different than the cancers that took my grandfather, my mom, and my grandmother- but still cancer. Still cruel.
He was only 56.
To his family- though you’ll likely never read this- I am thinking of you. Julian’s work got me through some of the darkest moments of my life, especially after my mom died in 2020. The familiar voices of Charmed and Nip/Tuck in the background helped me hold onto something warm and familiar when the world felt unbearably quiet.
Grief can sneak up on you- five years down the line, ten, even twenty- and still feel as fresh as the day you heard the news.
A Mobile Game and a Marvel Shield
I cried when I saw that Monopoly GO, a mobile game I play to unwind, quietly updated their summer event to feature Fantastic Four content- adding a tribute shield that’s very clearly Julian’s Dr. Doom. It felt like the developers knew. It felt like someone cared enough to say, “We see you. We remember him.”
You best believe I’m going to bust my ass to win that shield. And those dice. And every single little pixel that says: Julian McMahon mattered.
Grief Resources and Cancer Support
If this post stirred something in you—or you’re grieving someone of your own—please know that you’re not alone. Below are some resources for grief and cancer support:
🕯 Grief and Bereavement Support
- What’s Your Grief – grief education, coping tools, and community
- The Dinner Party – peer support spaces for people grieving a loss
- Grief.com – grief support, education, and workshops
🎗 Cancer Support and Information
- CancerCare – free support services for patients and families
- American Cancer Society – information, resources, and cancer education
- Young Adult Cancer Canada – support for young adults navigating cancer
“You never know the last time is the last time until it is.”
–Grey’s Anatomy
Julian, thank you. For the characters. For the grief you helped me survive. For the comfort you never knew you gave. Thank you for being a constant in my life when things were hard, when they were easy, and when I needed familiarity to fall back on.
Rest in peace.
-Skyla, The Crippled Cryptid.
Leave a comment